A recipe

1. Take some cheap vegetable oil; the ones that usually are of poorer quality and probably also gene modified (e.g. soy, corn, cotton …); the ones that are already rancid as they need too high temperatures and too high pressure to be extracted. (Use some cancerous hexane to make sure you squeeze out even the last drop.)

2. Clean the oil by steaming. This will make sure that all vitamins and antioxidants are destroyed, however, some hexane traces will remain, and so will other pesticides that might have been sprayed on the crop.

3. Mix the oil with ground nickel (another toxic substance) to help catalyze in the hydrogenation.

4. Hydrogenate, i.e. add hydrogen gas, under high pressure and temperature, so that hydrogen atoms will stick to the oil molecules. Don’t overdo it! Too much will make the oil hard and uneatable. If you leave the oil only partly hydrogenated it will be semi soft and full of trans fats.

5. Don’t worry that the mixture is now lumpy, grey and smelly. First wash it with some emulsifiers and then deodorize it by steam cleaning it again. (Yes, with high temperature and high pressure.) Finally bleach the mixture to get rid of the grey colour.

6. Add some synthetic vitamins and artificial flavours. Don’t forget to add the natural yellow colour! (Artificial colours aren’t allowed.)

7. Sell it as a nutritional healthy alternative to butter. Beteavon!

Butter? How you make butter? Well, shake natural cream for a little while and voila, you get butter! 🙂